I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
