he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
