Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
