I just threw up on my dentist
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
