Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
