I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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