I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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