Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
