dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
