your thong is hanging out like whoa
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
