I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
