Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Jerry, you need to find god
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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