Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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