at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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