Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize