Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
