I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
