mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
