It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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