imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
