i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
