Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Randomize