he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
is that a dick in a sweater?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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