I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You don't make any sense
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