OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
