if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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