Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
