Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
