I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Houston, we have a blender
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
