The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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