If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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