i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
