You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
should my penis look like a turkey
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
