Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
