dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
