He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
