I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
