I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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