I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
