My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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