You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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