I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
