she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
