you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
