Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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