just tell him i said nine months
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
