So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
