Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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