So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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