nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
