i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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