Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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