I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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