Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
There's always time for handjobs
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize