I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
