Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
