My hand turned me down
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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