its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
