now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
