This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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