Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
