I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
