I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just gift wrapped bread.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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