first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
