you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
