Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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