How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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