Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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