I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
