: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize