Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
