Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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