i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
