this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
