So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
