it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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