Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
