areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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