i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
