so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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