Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
