I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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