is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
