It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
