how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
