Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Plan B is the new Plan A
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
