I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
