we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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