I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
