Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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