I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
