Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
