I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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