he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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