Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
