I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
