if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Don't make out with my wife yet
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
