Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
