the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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