it was like eating out sand paper
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize