I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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