please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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