He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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