Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
