i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
