Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
