Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize