Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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