Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Acid is not a monday night drug
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
